I'm ill

and I don't like it x

Well, this is silly.

It is impossible to do a proper blog.
And stupid.

Far too much happens far too quickly.

When the Director and I had our first date we went for lemonade on the Southbank, then when we were at Waterloo waiting for my train (which I intentionally missed 3 of) we sat in Costa, and were horrified to see a sack of Krispy Kreme doughnuts that were getting thrown away. To us, with their open mouths they were in despair, and with an accompanying whimper, the doughnut face was invented.

When I was out for lunch with the journalist on Tuesday (who I'd met up with twice since my first blog), I was very aware of what a man I completely adore said to me of my situation- 'go for the one that makes you laugh.' Journalist was gorgeous. Dark hair, dark skin, blue eyes. The physical attraction was great, and to top it off he was intelligent and well spoken. But he wasn't the Director. Here I am, in an expensive restaurant with a totally handsome man, and as I look out from our table at the 180 degree view of the Thames, all I can see is the director, doing an impression of an abandoned doughnut.

I tried to shake it off though, quite difficult as you try and forget the sizeable ego of the journalist, and lack of humour. I was acutely aware of my ego mirroring his, and whilst I enjoyed being a flirtatious temptress, that's not what I was looking to be. We went back to his for a film, but the journalist couldn't keep his hands off me. I left before we watched it, only with the Director in mind.

Let me say about the man, we went for a date last week in Epsom and I have never laughed so hard over a meal- there were times when I genuinely thought I might have an accident in a public place as an adult. I hadn't even been drinking. He spent a fair amount in the restaurant semi-nude, took the piss out of me beyond belief (not one to hold back, he'd told me I had a wonky nose on our first date), and after our meal we went to On the Run where we bought a hot chocolate that we took to the lookout at Epsom Downs. We sat and talked...for 3 hours.

SO I had a few cigarettes and called him, he picked me up and we sat in the car. We're both tired of dating and I don't want anyone but him. Being as thick as I am I didn't get what he was saying, but his idea was that we'd be exclusive, that I would be his girlfriend. I was a bit shell shocked to be frank, I just didn't get it. I made him spell it out to me, and when I finally clicked I agreed. It sort of amazed me that someone who is so awesome wanted me all to themselves.

That probably explained why I jogged to the station despite being well on time, and I've sung even more than usual today.

I don't think I'll be blogging much about him. Feels a bit of an invasion.

In other news I got a photo of me today with twins. It was the kids that played Ross Gellar's kid Ben in Friends, and the kid in Big Daddy. They're quite tall now and as they have their own show on Nickelodeon my brother is in complete awe.

I also have the lurgy and will be going to bed now

Night x

Sample this:

Sampling outside LSE today where I met a man, a non-journalist, on his way to play squash. We're going flat hunting on Tuesday. I still haven't told him my name.

Tuesday evening I will be going to a violinists album launch, as date to the marketing something-or-other. Don't know what to wear.

How do I get into these things?

Tonight I'm headed to the Putney theatre to support a friend. His debut in England, and the first time I'll see him perform. Can't wait.

Ate breakfast, lunch AND dinner in the space of 4 hours today, all by 2pm. Not sure how or why. When I came home I watched 1 hour photo.  It's scary seeing Robin Williams like that. I still only ever see him as Peter Pan in Hook.

In Brighton tomorrow for work, then at a house party in the village- not the M.Night.Shyamanlananala film- Ashtead.

Knackered and definitely not ready, see you soon

x

p.s. the boys are now fascinated with a youtube clip about Barney the Dinosaur. I haven't seen it myself, apparently it's about setting him on fire. Charming. I personally used to be a big fan of Barney, but insanely jealous of the kids on his show. I mean insanely.

Blog-cherry-pop;

• Artists you've never heard of, that I know you've never heard of, but pretend I assume you've heard of.
• Artists I do know that, although mediocre,  I can say I was there from the beginning.
• Made up words that will one day more painful then watching bad child actors.
• Photos I took with my SLR
• A blend of philosophy that I will share after 2 minutes in my mind, and blasé words that took a good 2 hours to construct and perfect

Now that I've put all that on my blog, let me just say, these will be sporadic, scatty, perhaps rambling, but at least truthful and with a sense of humour. I know I'm not cool; I used to buy flowers for my Mum on the way home from school for no reason, I get phones stolen/lost every fortnight, I rejected leggings for a good 2 years (and then couldn't get them off), and when people ask me where I'm from they haven't heard of Ashtead. 

At the moment, I smoke, which I know isn't cool, but I like it. I'm not addicted, it's like chocolate from One Stop at school. I'd go through phases of having one every day instead of every few days, gorging all day everyday, and then back to not having any for a few weeks. I like the feeling of smoke in my lungs and being concious of taking a few minutes out to think. Criminal.

It's hard to write what I think, because when I think it I'm too busy thinking it, not how to convey. 

I'm famed for my love of men, I won't mention all of them in here or any names, but will give a brief insight. 

Had two dates last week:

One, a BBC documentary maker with an  Islamic extremist stepbrother. 

• Tooth chipped from hockey as a kid (but I like it)
• Blue eyes
• Stubble
• Doesn't drink (nothing to do with muslimness, he's not religious, just doesn't drink)
• Drives a Landrover

The other, a privately educated marketing something-or-other who trained as an opera singer.

• Dark hair
• Owns his own flat with his twin sister
• Arrogant (but responds well to ego-bashing)
• Found endearing when he told me he's Jewish, and it's his job at his synagogue to blow this horn trumpet thing at Jewish New Year (even more endearing when he told me he mucked it up once)
• Impressed me by not complaining when I was over an hour late to a shindig he'd invited me to because I'd fallen asleep

We'll see how they go.

The friends that read this all know if I died tomorrow there'd only be one love of my life. We were kids though, he has a girlfriend now who sounds awesome; she windsurfs and studied Arabic at Cambridge. 

The guy taught me about personal growth and really striving to eliminate ego and be the best you can be, for all. That's pretty much my focus everyday, spreading positivity, and though I'm sure I'd have got there eventually, he definitely gave me a kick-start, and for that I love him entirely. 

I'm not planning on dying tomorrow though...

As a new blogger, I clearly know nothing about layout, short and sweet etc.

I'm doing this blog because:

•  I was prompted by a friend who I respect and therefore listen to (although it may be due to her sensational culinary skills that I respect her)
• due to phones being stolen and anti-social working hours my friends never know what I'm up to
• my life is quite often hilarious

I'm sure ordinarily I would edit this to make it more readable, but I'm bored now and intend to go for a cigarette. My brothers have watched too many tv adverts and their crying about me getting cancer gets irritating, so its a secretive affair. It is also my first and last cigarette of the day before you get narky. It could be worse. I could call them fags. 

Night

x

p.s. The eldest of my younger brothers just sent an email to the youngest (-he's recently got the internet on his iTouch and is browsing crazy). Attached was a photo he took of his own poo.